Which is what I am.
Today was decidedly not the best day. Allow me to selfishly rant for a moment:
While the beginning of the day was pretty fine, things deteriorated toward the afternoon. I got vaguely moody over lunch because I couldn’t sit with ze boy. And then he kept disappearing during music rehearsal. I guess these two things seem kinda meaningless, since shortly after I went down to the aud, he came to talk with me. And we broke up.
He was very sweet about the whole thing. He sounded very apologetic and sincere. He said we didn’t have things in common, and we didn’t hang out much (I guess because we’re in different years of school). I really don’t think either of these are true, but there’s little I can do about it now.
This isn’t like my last break-up. At least I had a reason to be upset with my ex that time. This time…I dunno. I’m upset, but not…angry, I suppose. I really love it when my friends comfort me and defend me, but…when you just break up with a guy who you still like, you don’t really want to hear much bashing on him. And I dunno, I feel like it probably had something to do with me, too. I can’t let him take all the blame, that’s not fair. Whatever issues we had, I wish that we could have worked them out rather than breaking up.
The thing is that I was really, really happy with him. I’m happy that he still wants to be really good friends–I mean, from our reactions already after the initial, like, hour and a half after the break up, I can tell things aren’t going to change much (except that we aren’t dating anymore)–but…I still like him. He was such a sweet guy. I hadn’t been so happy since, like, the beginning of last school year.
I’m trying to get over it, though. Already, I mean. My last break-up took forever to get over, and I was miserable for a really long time, as I recall… But I’ve calmed down about this already. Maybe things are better this way anyway…we still get along very well (which is awesome–he’s really a great person, I would have hated to ruin that friendship). I know it’s only the evening of the issue, but things seem to already be clearing up.
Unfortunately, this fast clear-up has led to that which gave this entry its title. I think to myself, “well, maybe I should move on”. Maybe this means it wasn’t meant to be, and I just realized it faster than usual. I guess that’s okay. But I don’t really know how to feel. Like, I’m happy that I’m getting over it already…but at the same time I feel like I should be more upset. Which is probably what leads to me having weird crazy mood swings from being in a very good, accepting mood to being in a terrible, regretful mood.
Boy drama is for suck. This is the same wish I had last break-up, but at this point in time I wish things would fix themselves. Y’know, go back to the way it was…several hours ago, I guess. …Or maybe I wish things to be okay. So far so good, but I hope things don’t get awkward. I would rather have awesome friendships with everyone than a relationship that ends so badly that things are awkward. ESPECIALLY while the musical is still going on. That would be just the worst thing ever.
Okay. Writing that helped me work out my problems. I feel better.
Frivolous side note:
…Why have I broken up with a boyfriend a month or so before a school dance TWICE this year?? This is all my bad karma coming back to haunt me, isn’t it?
